@druuuck: GENIE: 3 wishes. But no extra wishes & no sex stuff Me: why not? GENIE: I make the rules ME: I wish I made the rules GENIE: ...dammit

@GeorgeTakei: So let me get this straight: Trump supporters are butt hurt because someone overgeneralized them and called them a mean name? Oh, the irony.

@Coolisiana: (Date) "What's wrong?" Oh nothing I'm just a nervous hummer "Aw how cute!!" *perfectly hums the entire Jurassic Park theme at full volume*

@DrTster: If I ever become rich, you know where all my money is going? To the bank

@Tmoney68: I'll never understand women. A species that loathes you for asking their age, but tortures you forever if you forget their birthday.