@NoTheOtherJohn: Furniture salesperson: Do you see anything you like?
Waldo: Actually yes this red and white couch is quite nice.
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@pleatedjeans: U can give out anything on Halloween it doesn't have to be candy last year I gave a kid my cable bill it was awesome he paid it & everything
@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.
@PaperWash: Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I've always used Google and I'm super [googles synonym for smart] able.
@TampaBayMomma: My ex left me for an attorney. It makes me smile every day to know he hasn't won an arguement for 15 years.
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