@neiltyson: FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans.
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@StevenKJohnson: Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms.
@envydatropic: 75% of parenting is taking their keys to punish them And giving them back because they're driving you crazy
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: "He ran out of the restaurant, got in the car and drove off fast." Cop: 'Did you see his plate?" Ian: "Yeah. He was eating tacos."