@droidbears: fyi, drug mule does not mean youll be getting stoned and riding around on a donkey... worst first day ever
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@therealeatwood: Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter, accept it. Embrace it. You are a shiny person now.
@krishna_van: "Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake.
@trevso_electric: When I hear commercials say "win a trip for you and six friends" I start counting to see if I have six friends.
@BeCoco77: He told me he was my daddy during sex. Then he acted all weirded out when I started crying and asked him to pay off my student loans.