@NurseSeymour: FYI fellas: if u wake up with some chick and u can't remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They'll write her name on the cup for ya!
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@BobbyAwful: I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches.
@TheCatWhisprer: I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside.
@CoatCzech: Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me.