@seamussaid: FYI: hey my wife came home in a terrible mood and I figured I'd read her one of my tweets to cheer her up, turns out that's a bad idea guys
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jjhartinger: ER Dr: What are you doing? Me: I'm decorating. ER Dr: Why? Me: According to my bill I live here now.
@AimeeHelene1: It's just a flesh wound... *looks down at hibachi knives I just pretended I was Master Chef with* *looks at bystander I just chop chopped*
@johnbiehl: Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.