@Cheeseboy22: FYI: I guess the goal of bobbing for apples is not who can drink all the water.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Excited for Game of Thrones tonight because it'll be nice to see civilized political discourse for a change.
@audipenny: Him: you look tired today Me: you look like you need a mouth that says better sentences
@daemonic3: "Welcome, teachers & parents, to our community school assembly" *gestures to 237 IKEA boxes* "Let's begin! Who's got the Allen wrench?"
@just1fool: I leave the window open at night hoping a drunk criminal will accidentally drop a bag of money inside while trying to break in.