@DamonHunzeker: Gas is so cheap right now, I just buy a new car when I run out.
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@iamspacegirl: [Wall Street] ME: haha Hump Day, amiright? HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes* ME: eh? *nudge* HD: Dude don't- ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit
@Shock_Monster: Hush little baby, Don't say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a bunch of crap so he doesn't have to hear your incessant whining ya spoiled brat.
@amydillon: Day 1,459 of my son acting shocked and aggrieved when I tell him to go brush his teeth before bed.
@AbbyHasIssues: This invitation says, “Regrets only,” so I’m sending them a note that says, “My hair throughout most of the ‘90s.”