@legsandsass: <----- gave a man a heart attack by admitting he was right
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How many legs does the dog have? 4 y.o: Five Me: There’s something wrong with your counting. 4: There’s something wrong with the dog.
@AndrewNadeau0: HER: If you could have any pet— ME: Panda. HER: Wow. Okay, what would you name— ME: Pandrew.
@ChaseMit: Just want to point out the NRA's plan to stop school shootings is literally the plot of Kindergarten Cop.