@sammyrhodes: Gave my cat some almond milk and now she teaches hot yoga on Thursday nights.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@UnFitz: Her: For once I'd like a man to just sweep me off my feet. Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*
@tangledteatime: An eight year old offered to sell me drugs. Isn't that disgusting? Why would I pay when I can just beat him up and take them? He's EIGHT.
@ThisOneSayz: My mother's scale of concern: 1 missed call = I am busy with the kids. 2 missed calls = I am being murdered in a ditch.