@ronradu: Gave this artichoke the heimlich maneuver and now he's artiokay.
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@rachaelkelly18: I love how coffee tricks me into believing I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes
@AaronFullerton: Excited for the return of Game of Thrones. Not excited for the return of the phrase, "If you'd read the books, you'd know that..."
@BadJordon: [Arby's] BRO [jumping into car]: GO ME: it's lunch, not a bank heist B: they put EXTRA CURLY FRIES in the bag M: OMG I'm too pretty for jail
@ceejoyner: I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.