@VodkaThursday: Gave up on my dream of being a murderer a long time ago. I leave long hair everywhere & everyone knows its mine without doing a DNA test.
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@Ilovelamp1979: This could be the LSD talking, but I'm pretty sure I'd be more comfortable riding on the roof of the car.
@onelongbender: Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.
@WPLGLocal10: Man arrested after accidentally texting probation officer asking if he had any weed