@ActuallyEmerson: Gay guys don't listen to girls talk either, but we do have the good sense to say "I know, right?!" while we wait for our turn to talk.
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@jakob_huber: "Get me another beer, boy" "Dad I'm an adult. My name's Bobby" "It's time you knew the truth boy. The 2nd & 3rd B's in your name are silent"
@Brianhopecomedy: Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, "That's not your left foot" a billion times.
@Brampersandon_: MOM: putting him in sports was a bad idea DAD: yup ME (in right field wearing my cup on my face): hey coach look at me I'm Bane lol
@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.