@egg_dog: good prank: sneak into someone's house every night over a year and replace thier toilet with a slightly larger one until it fills tthe room

@fro_vo: [on a speed date] (okay don’t let her know you’re a zombie) “so, what do you like best in a woman?” BRAAAIIINNNSS

@MJMcKean: I don't know who the pun editor of the NY Post is, but the headline PEACHES' DEATH IS STILL FUZZY deserves a citation and/or beating.

@AndyAsAdjective: [texting] you mean the wolf to me -wolf? ha! autocorrect fail! -lol what i meant to say was...you're a mean wolf to me

@moist_jeff: I set up a camera in my room like in paranormal activity but it's just 8 hours of me waving & walking down imaginary stairs behind my bed.