@MacCocktail: Generation gap...
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@SondraDeeMe: [first date] ME: I'm from a broken home. HIM: When did your parents divorce? ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.
@CheetohFace: The Westboro Baptist Church is planning on picketing Fred Phelps funeral. I'm not sure they even know what they're doing anymore, you guys.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Half the people who follow me are waiting for the nervous breakdown; the other half follow because they're easily impressed by semicolons.