@TheCiscoKidder: Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much.

@crylenol: Hamlet, but starring a pig. We call it: Hamlet. Let me explain

@david8hughes: [turns up radio in the car] Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here

@GensPlace: I'm not sure about accusing someone of wanting to get into my pants. I'd like to see him try. I can hardly get into them myself..

@dxblarssonENG: Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college.