@MoistPork: Genius move, Romeo & Juliet, for killing yourselves instead of getting married and spending the rest your lives wanting to kill each other.
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@SardonicTart: I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work.
@kendragaylord: Me: Compassion is my compass. Him: We've been lost for 3 days and you gave your coat to a bear that looked cold.
@sammyrhodes: My wife: "Can you pass me the stud finder?" Me: "You're the stud finder!" *deep, awkward silence* Me: "Here it is."