@michelleisawolf: George Clooney has done so much for the world. All of it to try to get us to forget that he was a terrible Batman.
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@delusionaliam: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!
@iwearaonesie: wife: WHO LOADED THE DISHWASHER? [cut to me sitting at a bus station waiting to start my new life]
@Tommytoughstuff: WIFE: Oh darn I have a loose thread on my sweater. ME: (waiting for the right time to tell her I bought a sword) Allow me m' lady.