@ch000ch: [gestures to the parents of a crying baby] shhhh, please. my foot's asleep
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@hunz74: My son has the worst altitude ever. He's defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.
@jazmasta: [making small talk at a business function] "You're 35 aren't you?" "No, I'm 38" "Oh right" [long silence] "Did you used to be 35?"
@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're going to take them to an IKEA instead.