@ch000ch: [gestures to the parents of a crying baby] shhhh, please. my foot's asleep
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@iinkedZombie: Me: You have to be nice or Santa won't deliver any toys this year. 5: Me: 5: My brother lets me play with his.
@thegreatnanak: She: why are you dressed up as a duck? Me: did you know people feed ducks in the park?
@Sultani_Sails: Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun.
@noogscorner: Alien 1: What are the Humans doing? Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers. Alien 1: I ate my mother. Alien 2: As did I.