@ch000ch: [gestures to the parents of a crying baby] shhhh, please. my foot's asleep
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@caliluvgirl77: Interviewer: do you have any final questions? Me: HYPOTHETICALLY, what happens to people who drink on their lunch breaks?
@FullGrownChris: Cashier: "Look at all this candy! You're going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween" Me: "It's Halloween?"
@DurtMcHurtt: Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now.
@MartaEffing: Damn boy, are you fresh ground pepper? Coz you're kinda boring and you've been on top of everything.