@ch000ch: [gestures to the parents of a crying baby] shhhh, please. my foot's asleep
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@BackrowSeats: Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.
@DranoRaul: People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it
@Underchilde: Wife: “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” Husband: *Thinks about it for 45 minutes*