@slimmy_shady: "Get a load of this guy!"- Receptionist at a sperm bank.
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@Papa_Mex: Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don't realize how bad it is for their health.....until I'm choking them
@Jim_Capie: Bruce Wayne: I wanna fight crime. Alfred: You're a billionaire. Open orphanages, free clinics, day care cen- Bruce: No I wanna punch people.
@POTerritory: "Stop trying to give your words depth and gravitas by attributing them to a faraway old civilization." - ancient Chinese proverb
@BoogTweets: (Creating the platypus) God: Make that beaver think a duck is sexy and then they, *hip thrusts* Angel: What? God: You know *hip thrusts*