@Nickadoo: Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.
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@withanewname: Yoga? No thank you. I'll download an app to my phone so I don't have to stretch for the remote.
@JasonLastname: Doesn't count, officer, you forgot to read me my amanda rights! "Your what?" You know, my... [mumbles] banana rights.
@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?
@jaslakhmna: While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full...I'll just be drinking from the bottle !