@Nickadoo: Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.
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@PerfectPending: I don't envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun.
@reczit: Help is a magic word. Say it to people & watch them disappearing from the horizon of your life.
@BobTheSuit: The self-checkout screen says "Finish and pay." I feel like I'm with an irritable hooker.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out cops get really pissed if you slip out of your handcuffs even if you say "Ta-Da" when you do.