@WeekendTwitr: Get noticed by more companies on LinkedIn by adding af to the end of all of your job titles.
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@Kyle_Lippert: Robin Thicke is what would happen if a roofie became a human and decided to make music.
@Lisa_Laughs_: Me: I can't work today. Boss: Why? M: My grandma died. B: Our grandmas died 20 yrs ago. M: ... -Why working for your brother is a bad idea.
@ramenfuneral: if i were a white vegan satanist i would constantly say stuff like "kale satan" and "i love the dark gourd" and nobody would stop me