@Macar00ny: *shoots self in foot* "Damn i like the metaphor better"

@hazelmotes1: If my son's science project is to see how annoying he can be before I kill him then he's almost done.

@notchyos: Even a broken clock is right twice a day, unless it lives with a woman

@Fickle_Filly: If your partner asks, "Do you love your phone more than you love me?" Lie.

@Thynebear: Teen girl in mirror "I look like death!" [Meanwhile in Hell] Death scoffs & flips his hair "Yeah, as if"