@WeekendTwitr: Get noticed by more companies on LinkedIn by adding af to the end of all of your job titles.
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@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.
@GringoBrulee: HR: Do you know why we called you in here today? Me: I'm not taking off my Batman suit, sir.
@bromanconsul: LA girls say they want to go on "adventures" but when I pitch the idea of overthrowing the yakuza they clarify that they meant, like, hiking