@WeekendTwitr: Get noticed by more companies on LinkedIn by adding af to the end of all of your job titles.
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@dorsalstream: As a child I was bitten by a regular, mildly venomous spider, and I've turned into a regular, mildly venomous person. The system works.
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why is the moon following us around? Me: I probably owe it money like everyone else on the planet