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@nimble__nick: Get off my lawn. Oh, it's you. Mow the lawn.
@bazecraze: "Long story short" makes your story three words longer.
@_keels_: I'm fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
@Rich_McCarthy: *Salesman smashes through window into living room* Evening, folks. Are you in the market for a new window?
@PinkCamoTO: *planning family vacation*
Me: So what about camping?
Them: We love camping!
Me: Great! I'll drop you off on my way to the spa.
@FrogAvalanche: "Dad, I cant sleep."
Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB.
"Dad Im seven-"
Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS.