@Diversion50: "Get Well Soon" is a lovely thing to write on a card for someone whose home is without a water supply.
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@1_swarthy_dude: [interview for waiter position] Manager: "So how experienced are you at carrying multiple plates?" Stegosaurus: "You're kidding me right?"
@urmumsausername: Dear America Would you please take the 's' off the word 'legos' and put it back on the word 'math' where it belongs. Many thanks England
@candy_badass: Loneliness Status: Eating donuts and talking to the dog. He seems interested, but I think it's the donut.
@badbanana: If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby.