@Diversion50: "Get Well Soon" is a lovely thing to write on a card for someone whose home is without a water supply.
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@moose_chocolate: My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube.
@AmberDonn: Texted Mom a question & she didn't answer right away. I'm going to send 4 more texts & 3 voicemails to give her a taste of her own medicine.
@HousewifeOfHell: [At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?
@DelilahSmashbox: I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping.