@KentWGraham: Get your employees to work harder by “accidentally” leaving articles on the printer about reducing staff.
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@Reverend_Scott: [Boss' office] "You're late AGAIN." Drove back for my phone. "Why do need it at work?" It's all I do. "WHAT?" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.
@Sickayduh: Lawyer: The defense rests Judge: Counselor, your rebuttal? Lawyer: HAHAHA that sounded like "you're a butthole" Judge: LOLOLOL #Buttle
@trentistweeting: [first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see
@globetrottgirl: Come on Canada, first Celine, then Nickelback, NOW Bieber!? Are you TRYING to provoke a war?