@notalogin: Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says 'you're a joke' you can say 'the joke's on you' and disarm the situation.
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@ValeeGrrl: Oh, you're about to earn your 3rd master's degree? I'm still working on spelling "bananas" without singing "Hollaback Girl" in my head.
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out.
@RobSprance: If McDonalds wants to check my $10 bill for signs of counterfeit, I should be able to check their chicken for chicken.