@notalogin: Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says 'you're a joke' you can say 'the joke's on you' and disarm the situation.
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@VeroniKaboom: "He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I'd totally hit that."
@rolldiggity: It's going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they're just like, "We hate corn."
@preritpathak: Therapist: Problem? Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics. T: Explain? M: I can't tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
@SamuelMoen: Impress your date. Be wild. Flip the table. Flip it 360 so its upright again & nothing has moved except a roll that has flown into her mouth