@SashaBrenner: "Get your fax straight!" - a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987
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@Amburglar_: "Wow! Go show your mommy!" -what I say to any child talking to me for more than 11 seconds.
@DiamondGirl127: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please
@ArfMeasures: CYCLOPS: How do u spell Hawaii? WIFE [biting lip] well..u need 2 i's CYCLOPS [puts pen down] my life is just a joke to u isn't it Linda
@aRealLiveGhost: to someone with x-ray vision two people making out look like skeletons that are really bad at eating each other