@SashaBrenner: "Get your fax straight!" - a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987
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@Xoolun: My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with bodybuilding. I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders.
@RoosterMustache: ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know
@Axenbane: I would be completely shocked if I ever won the lottery. Mainly because I don't play the lottery.
@ChaoticBeny: Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. #Christmas