@cookiesnweed: Get your shit together, people at McDonald's drive thru who sit there all confused like the menu hasn't been the same for the last 50 years
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@ThePocketJustin: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone(Absence of special lady creates cataclysmic world ending event)
@HatfieldAnne: “IN my period? ON my period? Ooo…maybe use ‘menses’ instead?” I chew my pen thoughtfully. You can't rush a good jury duty excuse letter.
@Brampersandon_: [zombie movie set] Director into megaphone: "We're about to start rolling. Look alive people!" *actors look around confused as heck*
@orange_rhymer: Me: I invited Todd over for dinner. Wife: Uncle Todd or Todd who takes things literally? *Todd exits out the back door with our television*