@cookiesnweed: Get your shit together, people at McDonald's drive thru who sit there all confused like the menu hasn't been the same for the last 50 years
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@QwertyJones3: GENE SIMMONS: What is it about me that makes people think I'm gross? "Hygiene" SIMMONS: Hi. Now answer my question.
@lynyrdsbackyard: I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
@CulturedRuffian: I rarely eat kale chips, but when I do-I eat them condescendingly and self-righteously.
@DeanOkay: Wish someone would invent a device that would allow me to speak instead of having to text back and forth 30 times to get my point across.