@Vodkantots: Get your therapist to start taking you seriously by pulling a donut out of your purse.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@YimsterFife: I woke up with a horse's head in my bed. And straw. And the rest of the horse's body. And cows. And a tractor. And this is a barn, I guess.
@ericsshadow: [answers phone during job interview] What's the address here? The Pizza Hut guy can't find me.
@_davidlucas_: So it's okay for the cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors turn up. But when I do it, I'm "antisocial". I call bullshit.
@E_lok44: *puts down window Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Yes *puts up window and drives away