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@ElKnuckelhombre: *gets a Fitbit for Christmas*
*puts it on a squirrel*
@JasonIsbell: If y'all are gonna insist on calling those things "hoverboards," I'll be over here flying around with my "jetpack."
@silent_musings: Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
@sploosk: Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they-
*coroner covers the body with a sheet*
Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO
@RatCasket: what idiot named it Mail Order Bride instead of Male Order Bride?
@TheCiscoKidder: 5 year old: Where does wind come from, daddy?
Me: It comes from people asking too many questions.