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@Andee_Stewart: *gets bitten
*becomes shy shy
@tastefactory: My cousin was Mulder on Halloween. He loves the X-Files! Oh stupid autocorrect. That should have said "murdered". And "loved", past tense.
@majesticminge: *replies to all sexy dms with pics of my laundry pile
@markleggett: Despite hating tomatoes, I was a tomato in a school play. I put my personal beliefs aside and nailed the role because I was a professional.
@hg47: On Average, ovulating women prefer rugged & masculine men.
Menstruating women prefer men duct-taped and on fire.
@AGreaterMonster: The mechanic has informed me that the shrieking sound I hear in my car on my way to work is apparently me.