@dataisplural: *gets caught kissing an optical illusion* it's not what it looks like!
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@JennnQuinn: Why is it when the sun blacks out on a Monday afternoon it's an "amazing natural phenomenon" but when I do it's a "problem"
@SteveInevitable: While texting a girl she told me "I'm board" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell.
@IamEveryDayPpl: My walk of shame is spending 10 minutes trying to pronounce something at a Mexican restaurant before giving up and ordering tacos.
@stoneman67: I don't mind the thought of guardian angels watching over me. I just want them to stop giggling when I shower.