@daemonic3: *gets down on one knee*
Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?
@HollyMemphis: If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
@Parentpains: She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her.
Dating is bullshit.
@TuffyNyC: It's nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant.
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why is the moon following us around?
Me: I probably owe it money like everyone else on the planet