@daemonic3: *gets down on one knee*
Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?
@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
@5hael: My phone autocorrected my name to shark and now I hate my parents for not calling me shark
@TheTweetOfGod: People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why.
@VivaVeronica122: My boyfriend says I'm kind of selfish, but that's not true. I often think of other people.
When I'm having sex with him.
@WilliamRodgers: Always be yourself...
Unless you run into one of your exes...
Then... Be a WAY more successful version of yourself...