@daemonic3: *gets down on one knee*
Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?
@robfee: Here lies Aunt Brenda. Trampled to death on the day after Thanksgiving trying to save $18 on a crock pot. Rest in peace, sweet angel.
@juliussharpe: If you're still undecided on a certain tattoo, try it out first on your baby.
@DickScurvy: Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my hands.
@Nikkeya08: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.."
Him: Do you have to say that everytime we visit my mom?
@sexncake: Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.