@daemonic3: *gets down on one knee*
Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?
@ScobeyWanKenobi: Just once I'd like to yell, "Don't you know who I am?!" because I'm important, not because I'm drunk and actually forgot.
@InternetHippo: BAND: How’s everyone doing tonight!!
[crowd goes nuts]
ME (standing in the middle, normal voice): Ok I guess. Kinda tired.
@AmishPornStar1: Cupcakes are for people who don't have the dedication and stamina to eat a whole cake!
@iwearaonesie: me [drunk| *eats all the Cheetos*
also me [drunk] Who ate all the Cheetos?
@AndDesist: I accept your apology.
Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you.