@Dawn_M_: [gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"
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@brookeisgolden: An underage sweater walks into a bar for the third time. The bartender says, "I'm gonna need to see your cardigan."
@iwearaonesie: If I had known I could hurt myself just by sneezing I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up
@paperphotoyo: *accidentally skips the bottom step of the stairs* Oh my God. This must be what a sky diver’s rush feels like.
@FuckabillyRex: Paid a mime fifty bucks to follow me around for a day and do the jerk off motion every time I speak.