@Dawn_M_: [gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"
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@SirEvisiae: Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun. *misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag*
@justsomegirl81: Me: *standing naked in front of the doctor Doctor: Ma’am, I just meant to take your socks off. I’m a podiatrist.
@KattsDogma: "I'm sorry I named my daughter 'Paige.' It seemed funny at the time." - a confession of Nat Turner
@Reverend_Scott: MARY JANE: daddy, what's my name from? ME: it's from the comic Spider-Man 420BLAZEIT: and mine? ME: umm [sweating] also Spider-Man