@Mostly_Cheese: *gets in taxi*
Me: Wow it’s cold out there, my hand is freezing.
Cabbie: Where to?
Me: (putting on other glove) You know what, you’re right.
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@RBColl: [spelling bee] Teacher: Your word is indictment. Me: Can you use that in a sentence? Teacher: Yes, I can use indictment in a sentence.
@NewDadNotes: Me: what are you doing? Daughter: playing with Michael. Me: aw, I had an imaginary friend named Michael when I was your age too. Daughter: I know. Me: how did you know? Daughter: Michael told me.
@Writepop: In the new Star Wars film, Han Solo goes to Chewbacca's home planet and discovers that all the other Wookies wear pants.
@BraandoCommando: [reading of my fathers will] Lawyer: and I bequeath to my son $100k as- Me: heh, bequeath Lawyer: long as that immature vomit fondler doesn’t laugh at the word ‘bequeath’ Me: he didn’t even have $100k, did he? Lawyer: no, he just knew
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