@Petote: *gets so drunk I grab a fish out of your fish tank and shakes it at you screaming "WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THIS?!" *
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?
@StymieBrewer: Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers.