@penelope20mn: *gets toy out of packaging, earns engineering degree
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@Taryn_: Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you're a dumb ass and you make poor decisions.
@Brianhopecomedy: Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I'm hesitant to start the car.
@jwoodham: Hey, Edgar Allen, go ahead and Poe me up another drink! Don't tell me to be quiet, lady! Why are there so many books in this bar?
@TheMichaelRock: My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.