@slimmy_shady: Getting a cat is SO much easier. Go outside. Put cat food out. Pet whatever comes to eat it. Best 30 raccoons I've ever had. Also rabies.
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@jakob_huber: Ant: I found this book of what humans call us. I'm an ant Dung Beetle: What am I called? Ant: *checks, shuts book* Let's not focus on labels
@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.
@funnyortruth: Friend : "I wasn't that drunk!" Me : "Dude a thief stole your T.V and you ran after him screaming "YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE!!!"
@BlackCatBettie: If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.