@slimmy_shady: Getting a cat is SO much easier. Go outside. Put cat food out. Pet whatever comes to eat it. Best 30 raccoons I've ever had. Also rabies.
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@KalvinMacleod: HER: it’s over between us ME: is it because of all my embroidery puns? HER: I thought you would stop ME: sew it seamed
@ChickenFrecklez: When ya leave Twitter it's called twittercide. What about Instagram? Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?
@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
@thenamesmikeG: The weirdest thing just happened. I had Cancer, then 15 people on Facebook were brave enough to change their statuses, & now I'm cured.