@DurtMcHurtt: Getting a neck tattoo is probably the coolest way to show your love for manual labour.
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@jergarl: I finally saved up enough money to listen to my heart but it turns out that's just a metaphor. Anyway, I have stethoscope for sale.
@WildeThingy: [electric chair] "Any requests for your final minutes?" "Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained." *acquitted on a technicality
@ohheyohhihello: Today I drove through a huge puddle that splashed up under my car and laughed to myself as I whispered, "car bidet."
@michaelianblack: When Pink Floyd sings, "just another brick in the wall," it's a little bit demeaning to bricks.