@PaperWash: Getting a text from someone when I'm trying to tweet is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
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@longwall26: Review of "grandma": slow, slow-witted, terrified of technology, can't bench for shit, no karate, basically racist ★☆☆☆☆
@paul_lander: Who says Republicans aren't into recycling? Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.
@LizHackett: I've studied enough modern theater to know that inviting another couple over for dinner never ends well.
@angibangie: Him: What long nails you have! Me: All the better to capture your DNA with if you murder me. *dating is easy