@PaperWash: Getting a text from someone when I'm trying to tweet is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JermHimselfish: I bet when kittens go to work in kitten offices that there's always one kitten whose cubicle is decorated with pictures of lonely old ladies
@BillMc7: Restaurant Hostess: "Sorry about the wait." Me: "It's okay, you don't need to apologize for being overweight."
@KentWGraham: Don’t believe cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a toilet plunger, it won’t actually stick to someone’s face.
@DougBenson: I don't like it when my phone puts a word in "quotals" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something.