@AllyBallyBeal: Getting a text message from your ex is like getting a message from Satan on an Ouija board.
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@RdrJay47: I'm sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your kid's first birthday.
@AdinaSunny: Mother Earth: I'm not a regular mom. I'm a Cool Mom. [humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature] Earth: This is fine. I'm a Cool Mom
@DaveWeasel: If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem.
@MrFornicator: I replaced the bulb in my refrigerator with a tanning bulb... that way if I ever get fat, at least I'll have nice color.