@Donna_McCoy: Getting away from it all is great until you realize there's no pizza delivery.
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@behindyourback: *falls down a well* *Lassie runs to the edge and peers down* *me, yelling* TELL NO ONE, YOU BLABBERMOUTH DOG, I LIVE HERE NOW
@iwearaonesie: "This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down
@Megatronic13: Psychic: your mom asked me to take care of some unfinished business for her Me: [holding back tears] did she have a message for me? Psychic: *covertly shoving sex toys into a box* not really Me: why are you on her laptop? Psychic: *deletes browser history* she’s at peace now
@KalvinMacleod: [date] HER: I’m studying to be a scientist but really love comedy ME: [trying to impress her] Botany good textbooks lately?