@Scdavis24: Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
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@ProBirdRights: Advice tip for people: 1 stick hand in glue 2 stick hand in feather 3 now you are like bird. Impress your friend.
@aka_fatman: Chief: You're the WORST cop in the department! Hand over your gun and badge! Me: *realising I left both in my son's crib* Uhhhhh....
@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]
@clindsaysway: Cat doesn't realize if he succeeds in tripping me on the way downstairs to feed him, we all die.