@The_MartiniGirl: Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.
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@KindOfASmartass: If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?
@flashember: [Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib
@theshamingofjay: My son just said he doesn't like cheese and now I have to interview all the mailmen in my neighborhood