@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"
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@jayonguitar: When you rob an Ikea store they probably make you put all the money in the bag yourself.
@Tommytoughstuff: COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* "Sorry this isn't my car."
@truegritrumble: PRIEST: If there's any reasons these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. ME: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips*