@starwarsshirt: "Getting fat" is absolutely a legitimate response to "what have you been up to?"
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: I'm growing some vegetables. Me: What if the pig eats them? Wife: Then I'm growing porkchops.
@Mikecanrant: Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head.
@TheDjinnTrials: I will be with you always and forever, even during the rough times, until the day we die. -Herpes
@thejamietighe: In a car crash a dog would rescue you. However a cat would pour liquor over your face and testify against you in court.