@hipoctogenarian: *Getting murdered* omg I have the exact same knives
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@PuncherJetpack: "Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don't drink "You wanna be cool don't you?" I don't drink "C'mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
@panmidwest: DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text DOG FRIEND: which color heart? DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one DOG FRIEND: omg
@mattZillaaaa: I work with some really great people. They're reliable, they're honest and they never cause any problems. I don't fit in at all.
@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.