@hipoctogenarian: *Getting murdered* omg I have the exact same knives
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@canadasandra: Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
@JosesLovesYou: Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
@kumailn: "I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him."-Nobody in Assassin's Creed