@Kendragarden: Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
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@myonlymizztake: I want negative calorie credit for all the junk food I pass up. Didn't eat that cookie? That's -150 calories.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Now what's the rule, son? 11yo: *sighs* If his first album came out after 2000, I can't call him a rapper. Me: You're learning...
@dave_cactus: HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti.
@Parentpains: After placing me in charge of training new employees I can't help but question my companies' commitment to success.