@JohnHilsen: Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don't do it in the bathtub.
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@GroperCleveland: MTV has ordered a reality show to follow a group of virgins. That sounds very interesting and riveting and get that camera out of my face.
@iGreenMonk: No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in their coffee.
@HannahAntics: 30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her.
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"