@AsYouNotWish: I hate it when celebrities ask me to donate to some fund, you make 30 millions a movie & I make $30 a day. You send money.

@GeorgeTakei: So let me get this straight: Trump supporters are butt hurt because someone overgeneralized them and called them a mean name? Oh, the irony.

@SonofConway: Sometimes you have to stop tweeting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.

@SteveSuckington: Will Smith: "Jaden, I want you to star in this 100 million dollar movie with me" My Dad: "Shut up and hold this flashlight Steve"

@thedailymarker: My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn't like so we don't have to share.