@MattMcElaney: GF says my bike helmet looks ridiculous, but I'd rather be "uncool" than fall and crack my head open in the middle of having sex.
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@HatfieldAnne: This is the year I declare war on harmless euphemisms. First up: “It defies physics.” No, it doesn't. Nothing does.
@JMFnSparks: Dear men, I can make your girl scream louder than you can ever make her! Love, Spiders
@LindaInDisguise: The difference between your husband and your Netflix account is, over time, your Netflix account learns what you like.