@MattMcElaney: GF says my bike helmet looks ridiculous, but I'd rather be "uncool" than fall and crack my head open in the middle of having sex.
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@cpsemple: Rick Astley is going to die and nobody will know about it for weeks because nobody will want to click the link.
@abbycohenwl: Roommate: So how was the party? Me: Good! A lot of cool people came up and started talking to me [flashback to party] Cool Person: Are you in line for the bathroom? Me: Yeah