@timdonakowski: GF's friend didn't keep my Valentine's gift a secret. So I had to embroider a towel for her too. Because, well, snitches get stitches.
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@shanethevein: I'm starting to think some of you are actually on Facebook. You know we just joke about being Facebook right?
@Smooheed: According to HR, the boss can come into my office eating a kebab when I've only had an apple for lunch but I can't throw my chair at him