@timdonakowski: GF's friend didn't keep my Valentine's gift a secret. So I had to embroider a towel for her too. Because, well, snitches get stitches.
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@joci2203: "Mommy when I grow up, I want to be a shoe" -straight up killin' it at this parenting thing
@lazerdoov: Gonna get "na na na na na na na na" tattooed on my forearm. I'll tell girls it's Hey Jude and I'll tell dudes it's the Batman theme.
@Samzen_: All girls love surprises. I didn't know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can't understand women.
@TravLeBlanc: Women aren't that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.