@DamonHunzeker: Ghosts wear sheets because nobody's scared of sleeping bags.
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@girl_a_whirl: I'm quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would've gone in an entirely different direction.
@Ham_Tornado: New children's book I'm working on: "Nobody poops but you, you disgusting little freak".
@david8hughes: [to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."