@DamonHunzeker: Ghosts wear sheets because nobody's scared of sleeping bags.
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@UncleDuke1969: (Trump rally) Trump: I’ll take questions now. Reporter: How will you fix California’s drought? Trump: More water. Crowd: *cheers wildly*
@Perfect_Beanis: in 2001 i was in a coma dying from meningitis and someone played "in the end" by linkin park and i woke up to tell them to turn it off
@Sarcasticsapien: If you're going to insult the Amish, do it to their face. You kinda have to. They're never gonna see it online.