@DamonHunzeker: Ghosts wear sheets because nobody's scared of sleeping bags.
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@heatherlou_: If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.
@robdelaney: Woman at drive-thru just called me "honey." Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.
@QwertyJones3: I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.
@Chumpstring: I didn't spend 8 years designing this hotel so I could listen to a bunch of touristy complaints about the small cameras inside the toilets.